Ghost Trip
by Arogustus
Summary: A pharaoh, a pirate and a Scotsman go on a road trip. It all goes exactly as well as you would expect it too. Rated T for King Macfrights


**A little idea I had in my discord was approved, so here it is.**

**Luigi's Mansion 3 is owned by Nintendo**

* * *

When you're a ghost from hundreds of years in the past, many modern amenities are guaranteed to catch your eye. Especially for something like a car. A vehicle that could move under its own power without the need of wind, horses or people to pull it? That was brilliant! Of course, learning to operate such a vehicle was its own challenge, with all the levers and buttons and gauges and lights and all that junk. But with some perseverance, and some help from the local security guard, anyone could learn. Even an ancient Egyptian pharaoh.

Said pharaoh, along with her pirate and Scottish king friends, waved goodbye towards Steward as they drove of in their recently purchased vehicle, having decided to go on what the modern people called a "road trip" to entertain themselves.

"How much do you bet they will total their car in a few hours?" Chef Soulfflé asked Steward, staring at the car that was driving away towards the distance.

"50 G. But if they drive it of a cliff, you pay up."

* * *

Fishook stuck his head out the car window, letting the wind flow through his gills. "Ahhhhh. Smell that fresh air, laddies. I told ya this was a good idea."

"And you were right Fishook." Serpci said from the driver seat, keeping her eyes on the road as Kruller had instructed in their training. "Just us three, a group of ghosts from differing time periods hanging out and exploring the world."

"Oi. It was starting ta get borin' back at the hotel anyway." Macfrights said, sitting next to Serpci in the passenger seat. "So, what should we do on this road trip? Do we find a cow field and slaughter ourselves a bull?"

"Absolutely not." Fishook shot down the idea, causing Macfrights to mutter angrily to himself. "But I did talk to Clem about our trip, and he says there's something called a "fast food place" not far from here. They sell stuff like burgers an soda's and the like. We could grab ourselves a bite to eat. What do you think?"

"Hmmmmm." Serpci considered the suggestion. "Alrigth, I guess that should be a good start."

"I would prefer huntin for our own food, but I guess this "fast food place" is ok." Macfrights turned towards the car's GPS and gave an authorative finger point at it. "Map device! How far until we arrive at the nearest "fast food place?"

"Continue driving for 5 minutes." The mysterious (to the three ghosts at least) voice said. Macfrights gave the device a nod of satisfaction, before letting silence engulf the car for a few seconds.

"So, what do you three want ta order? I myself want somethin with plenty o' meat in it. A feast befitting of a king, as they say."

"Eh, as long as the place sells stuff with seafood in it, then I'm fine with anything. What about you, lass? What are ya hungry for?" Fishook asked the queen.

"Oh, I won't be buying anything. As a queen, I have an image of perfection to maintain, and eating such low-class food is simply unbecoming of me."

The two male ghosts stared at each other, a look of mischief on their faces showing they knew something Serpci didn't. "Lassie, ya do realize we know ya sneak out at night to steal snacks from the vending machines, right?"

An immensely awkward silence engulfed the car as Serpci processed this information. "Pfft. What? Where would you find such clearly false information from? That's preposterous." She laughed awkwardly, trying to hide the embarrassment on her face from the two snickering ghosts.

"Because while your best kept secrets are in the Tomb Suites, the place you live in, your little snack escapades take place in the hallways, where the security cameras are." Macfrights pointed out. Serpci spluttered, trying to come up with a retort of her own, only to come out with nothing. Sighing to herself in frustration, she turned her head back towards the road, before addressing the two passengers.

"If anyone else in the hotel finds out about this- "

"Everyone else already knows, lass."

"WHAT!" Serpci yelled out in shock, startling the two. "How!?"

"Word gets out fast, lass. It's how we found out actually. A slinker was looking over the security feed, saw ya in one of the cameras, and started spreading the rumor around the hotel. No one ever mentioned anything because we thought ya didn't want people to know." Fishook explained.

"Sooooo, what you're saying is that no one thinks any less of me that I eat peasant food?" She asked them.

"Of course not. You would kill us if we did." Macfrights reassured her. Serpci let herself relax, a smile growing on her face once she realized people still respected her.

"Say, what is the name of the slinker?"

"Jeremy. Sleeps in one o' the basement supply closets. Shouldn't be too hard ta find him."

"Good. My snakes could use a snack."

The trio continued their drive-in peace, watching the landscape around them change, until the GPS piped up.

"You have reached your destination."

They all watched as a large building came into view. It was rather easy to notice, if one were to be honest, what with the fact it was the only building in the general area, and that it had a large, burger shaped sign in front of it that said Burger King. Serpci drove her way towards the building, ready to turn into the buildings parking lot…

Until Macfrights suddenly grabbed at the steering wheel, causing the car to pass the entrance and drive away from the Burger King. Fishook and Serpci gave the king an intense glare once the shock wore off.

"What the hell, Macfrights?! Ya made us miss the place!"

"And you almost caused us to crash!"

Macfrights shrugged off the two's exclamation, crossing his arms while having an uncaring look on his face. "Well sorry, but I'm not going to give this so called "Burger King" the dignity of having me within his presence. What kind of self-respecting king would I be if I did that? The only time I will ever meet another king is either in official meetings, or in glorious battle!" His explanation did not satisfy his two friends. "Map device! Where's _the next_ "fast food place?"

"Continue driving for 20 minutes."

"See? This one's not too far." He cheerfully pointed out to the two angry ghosts.

"… Fine." Serpci huffed out. "This better be worth the shock, Macfrights."

They continued to drive down the road, no words being spoken for the next ten minutes. Unfortunately for them, Captain Fishook was starting to get antsy. Confining a creature such as him to the back of a car was perhaps not the best choice to make, as they would start to learn now.

"Are we there yet?" He started to ask.

"We still have ten minutes, Fishook. Patience." Serpci answered. This was unfortunately not enough for the captain, who let a minute of silence pass before asking again.

"Are we there now?"

"No."

Another minute of silence.

"… Are we there yet? I'm starting to feel a little cramped back here."

"Please stop asking, Fishook."

Another another minute of silence.

"… I think we can go faster in these parts."

"No, we can't, Fishook. The sign says sixty, and therefore I will go sixty."

"But there's no one around to see us, so I'm pretty sure ya can go faster, lass."

Serpci turned around and fazed her head through the driver seat, giving Fishook a glare that could rival Luigi's "Death Stare (Patent Pending)" itself.

"We have five minutes left until we arrive, Fishook. If I hear another word from you, then you can say goodbye to your other eye. Understood!?"

The Captain fearfully nodded in agreement. Serpci smiled and she turned her head back to focus on the road once again, letting the peaceful, calming silence wash over as she drove on the-

"Are we there yet?" Macfrights asked her, causing Serpci to lose what little composure she had left in her as her face morphed into a deep scowl, her right eye twitching uncontrollably out of anger. But just as soon as it happened.

"You have reached your destination." The GPS announced, causing Serpci to suddenly gain a very forced looking smile on her face.

"We're here!" She said as they started to approach the building. This one was of similar design to the previous place, except the sign was a large looking M with the words "McGoomba's" on it. "Is _this_ place to your satisfaction?" She asked the king, forced smile still on her face.

"Why yes! McGoomba was an honored member of my family back when I was a wee child. It's quite honorable that the people of the modern era have named a restaurant after him. We can proceed."

While no one was sure the place was named after one of Macfrights' family members, Serpci still made her way towards the building…

Only to stop abruptly in front of the entrance, fly out of the car and into the building. Macfrights and Fishook could only wait for a few minutes until the queen returned, a single, steaming cup in hand as she entered the car and drove back into the highway. The silence in the car was suffocating as Serpci took a few sips of her black coffee, the other two wondering what that was all about. The answer came soon, however.

"Just know that if you hadn't insisted on annoying me during this entire ride, I would have allowed you two to order as well. Consider it my well-deserved revenge."

They continued their drive, Fishook and Macfrights with a look of guilt on their faces, in silence…

Until Serpci performed a U-turn and started driving back towards the McDonald's.

"Ya still want food, don't ya, lass?"

"My desire for revenge overcame my desire for food."

"Well if you want, I can pay for the food. You know, as an apology for our behavior."

Serpci let a smile grow on her face as she drove in the drive through. "Yes. That would be appreciated."

They stopped behind a car, having to wait for the person in front to make their order. Fishook took the opportunity to leave the car and stretch his body outside, leaving Macfrights and Serpci to wait and order his food for him. The two waited patiently for the person in front to finish.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And-

"Ok, what in the blasted heavens is taking this bastard so long?!" Macfrights yelled out loud.

"Calm down, Macfrights. They must be having trouble making their decision, is all." Serpci explained, clearly just as angry as he was about the long wait. They waited for a few more seconds. "Ok, that's it. Go ahead."

He stuck his head out the car window and started yelling. "HEY, YOU IDIOT! COULD YOU HURRY YER ASS UP AND MAKE YER DAMN ORDER ALREADY!?"

"WELL I'M SORRY! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO ORDER GOOD FOOS! SO, SHUT UP AND LET ME THINK!" The driver in front, a toad woman, stuck her head out and yelled back.

"YOU'LL HURT YOURSELF DOIN THAT, YA SACK O' MEAT FOR BRAINS!"

"HEY, YOU!" The woman started yelling at Serpci. "GET YOUR WEIRD OLD MAN CHILD UNDER CONTROL THIS INSTANT!"

"YOU CALLIN ME A CHILD?! I'M OLDER THAN YOU BY HUNDREDS O' YEARS, YA OLD HAG!"

While all of this yelling was going on, Fishook made his way back to the car, having been attracted by the commotion and the familiar sound of Macfrights' yelling. This didn't go unnoticed by the toad woman.

"UGHH! KEEP YOUR UGLY DOG INSIDE YOUR CAR, YOU IDIOTS! THAT THING COULD HAVE PEED ON MY CAR!"

Macfrights stuck his head back inside the car, looking at the two frowning ghosts for permission. They simply looked at him and nodded, giving him permission to fly out of the car and pull out his sword.

"WELL NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR! YOU INSULTED MY FRIEND! SO NOW, I'M CHALLENGING YOU TO A FIGHT!"

The toad woman hopped out of her car and pulled out a sword of her own. "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"

The two charged at each other, yelling at the top of their lungs while Serpci and Fishook cheered their friend on. Once they reached each other, they both leapt into the air and started swinging their swords at each other.

* * *

Two hours later, back at the Last Resort, Steward was manning the receptionist desk when he saw Serpci, Fishook and Macfrights, the latter with handcuffs dangling from one of his arms, enter the building.

"Welcome back you three! How was your first road trip?"

Serpci threw her car keys at him as a response. While he fumbled to catch them, the three ghosts wordlessly wandered into the elevator, leaving Steward to speculate at to what had gone wrong. And maybe to go outside to see if the car was in fact totaled.

While they waited for the elevator to stop, the trio shared in an awkward silence, until it was broken by Fishook.

"So… ya laddies wanna do it again next week?"

…

"Yeah, sure."

"Why not?"

* * *

**Feel free to suggest any one-shot ideas in the comments. I could always use writing fodder.**


End file.
